Portrait 5

My own boy,

Even though I have sensed this is an ending, I still feel I need to call you my own.

I have been through a number of endings, but none that has not been preceded by the beginning it deserved.

We have been ambiguous. In the messages we exchanged, in our telephone conversations, in our face to face encounters, in our body to body contacts, we have consistently failed to speak. It should therefore come as no surprise to either of us that we have no words left which we might say to each other.

Notwithstanding the ambiguity, I continue to regret that I never attempted to enter you bare, that I never urged you to enter me bare; I continue to feel the lack.

And yet, I still have no face and no voice. I am not even read, let alone fucked, let alone loved. By you.

Iris